The school board will vote on Junior Jim Stack’s second request for permission to grow his hair out for charity on Monday at 7 p.m. Principal Tonya King initially denied his proposal because it would violate school dress code.
“I hope the board approves my request.”, Stack said. “Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me”.
After his request for permission was denied by King, Stack wrote a letter to the school board to see if they will make an exception to the dress code.
“I can’t bend the rules for one student.”, Principal King said. “There are other ways Jim could help the Locks of Love group. I would be more than willing to help with a fundraiser”.
The school dress code states that male student’s hair must not be longer than collar-length, but Locks of Love requires at least 10 inches of hair for donations.
“Mrs. King just said I should have a fundraiser instead.”, Stack said. “But I’m told a lot of people donate money. Not very many donate hair.”
Every month, Locks of Love receives about 200 request from families, and they end up having to turn down about 150 of them because of their lack of human hair.
“I was moved by Jim’s passion to donate his hair.”, the president of Locks of Love, Gisel Roco, said. “We desperately need human hair for our wigs.”
The Locks of Love group works entirely on donations, and they only use real human hair for their wigs.
“I am proud of Jim.”, his mother Holly Stack said. “He wants to help this group, and that means a lot to our family.”
Stack’s sister is his inspiration for donating his hair. His sister, Jasmine, received a wig from Locks of Love. Two months ago, Jasmine received a clean bill of health.
“I think it’s cool that Jim wants to do this.” Gilbert Castillo, president of the student council, said. “I don’t see what the big deal is anyway. Girls have long hair, and no one is distracted. Rules were made to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one.”
The Student Council wrote a letter to the school board in support of Stack. The letter was signed by 350 students. Attached to the letter, the council listed 150 students who were also willing to grow out their hair and donate it.
“I can’t comment on this issue right now.”, said Bill Valdez, school board president, said. “We will discuss it at the board meeting next week”.
Negatives: You didn’t indent.
On the quote “He wants to help this group, and that means a lot to our family”. You put the period after you closed the quote instead of before .
On the last sentence for the word “Admin” it should have been “Admin.”
Positives: You used good quotes and good transitions. I like the order you used for your quotes.
Good selection of quotes.
Nice transitions.
Good flow.
OKC is trash.
Duke is trash.
Don’t be so perfect all the time.
Junior Jim Stack’s request for permission to grow his hair will be voted on by the school board Monday night at 7 p.m. after he was initially denied permission by Principal Tonya King. TRY THIS “THE SCHOOL BOARD WILL VOTE ON JUNIOR JIM STACK’S SECOND REQUEST FOR PERMISSION TO GROW HIS HAIR OUT FOR CHARITY ON MONDAY AT 7 P.M. PRINCIPAL TONYA KING INITIALLY DENIED HIS PROPOSAL BECAUSE IT WOULD VIOLATE SCHOOL DRESS CODE.
“I hope the board approves my request.”, Stack said, “Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me”.
After his request for permission was denied by King, Stack wrote a letter to the school board to see if they will make an exception to the dress code. EXPLAIN WHAT LOCKS OF LOVE IS HERE OR IN THE QUOTE IN BRACKETS.
“I can’t bend the rules for one student.”, Principal King said, “There are other ways Jim could help the Locks of Love group. I would be more than willing to help with a fundraiser”. PUT A PERIOD AFTER SAID NOT A COMMA.
The school dress code states that male student’s hair must not be longer than collar-length, but Locks of Love requires at least 10 inches of hair for donations.
“Mrs. King just said I should have a fundraiser instead.”, Stack said, “But I’m told a lot of people donate money. Not very many donate hair”. PERIODS GO INSIDE QUOTATIONS. AGAIN, PERIOD AFTER SAID.
Every month, Locks of Love receives about 200 request from families, and they end up having to turn down about 150 of them because of their lack of human hair. GOOD.
“I was moved by Jim’s passion to donate his hair.”, Gisel Roco, the president of Locks of Love, said, “We desperately need human hair for our wigs”. PUT TITLE BEFORE NAME.
The Locks of Love group works entirely on donations, and they only use real human hair for their wigs.
“I am proud of Jim.”, his mother Holly Stack said, “He wants to help this group, and that means a lot to our family”.
Stack’s sister is his inspiration for donating his hair. His sister, Jasmine, received a wig from Locks of Love. Two months ago, Jasmine received a clean bill of health.
“I think it’s cool that Jim wants to do this.” Gilbert Castillo, president of the student council, said, “I don’t see what the big deal is anyway. Girls have long hair, and no one is distracted. Rules were made to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one”.
The Student Council wrote a letter to the school board in support of Stack. The letter was signed by 350 students. Attached to the letter, the council listed 150 students who were also willing to grow out their hair and donate it.
“I can’t comment on this issue right now.”, said Bill Valdez, school board president, said, “We will discuss it at the board meeting next week”.
The board will vote on Stack’s request at 7 p.m. next Monday night at the Central Admin Building.OMMIT THIS LAST SENTENCE. ALWAYS END ON A QUOTE. REALLY GREAT FIRST ATTEMPT. GREAT FLOW, JUST NEED TO FIX MECHANICS. MAKE SURE EVERY TIME YOU QUOTE YOU START A NEW PARAGRAPH AND EVERY TIME YOU TRANSITION IT IS A NEW PARAGRAPH.
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